"Easy" NTP stats without ntpstat

I had the joy earlier today of having to rewrite a Scout plugin that reports NTP status on a Debian box. The problem was that the plugin depended on the output of ntpstat, and that program isn’t available on Debian or Ubuntu. I didn’t feel that repackaging ntpstat for Debian was the right way to go, so I dug around in ntpq and ntpdc trying to get the same info.